I remember being about 16 or 17 years old and thinking that it would be cool to get a tattoo that started on the  back of my hand then extended all the way down my middle finger.  I even did a sketch of the image that  I wanted on my hand. However, that is as far as I got with the whole idea of a tattoo.  A few years after I had the tattoo flare up, I got the sudden urge to shave my head.  This idea went from thought to action in a matter of hours.  I woke up one morning, thought about cutting my hair, decided I would make the move and by the afternoon, all but about a quarter inch of my hair  was in the trash. I thought my mom  would have a minor meltdown but she didn’t. She said as long as I didn’t cut my head off, she was fine with whatever.  At the time I cut my hair, I wasn’t stressed or depressed,  I simply wanted a change.  Now that I think about it in depth, I think I wanted to change something that was in my power to change.  I may have been feeling a little stifled or trapped.  I needed to do something that gave me the illusion of control.  Cutting my hair was that kind of release.  It represented a completely independent process.

Now, I’m back to wanting a tattoo. It has not become an obsession but I have been thinking about it more than usual.  I have picked the spot where I want the tattoo and I have been thinking about the image I want permanently imprinted on my body. I’m a little old to rebel and a little too young for a mid life crisis, so, I’m not sure what to call this phase.  Oddly enough, I feel just as I did when I shaved my head.  I feel the need to have one aspect of my life completely within my control.  One decision based simply on me.  I could go for a run or eat a pint of ice cream or some such mundane thing but will I  remember that thing for the rest of my life?  I think not.