I remember being about 16 or 17 years old and thinking that it would be cool to get a tattoo that started on the back of my hand then extended all the way down my middle finger. I even did a sketch of the image that I wanted on my hand. However, that is as far as I got with the whole idea of a tattoo. A few years after I had the tattoo flare up, I got the sudden urge to shave my head. This idea went from thought to action in a matter of hours. I woke up one morning, thought about cutting my hair, decided I would make the move and by the afternoon, all but about a quarter inch of my hair was in the trash. I thought my mom would have a minor meltdown but she didn't. She said as long as I didn't cut my head off, she was fine with whatever. At the time I cut my hair, I wasn't stressed or depressed, I simply wanted a change. Now that I think about it in depth, I think I wanted to change something that was in my power to change. I may have been feeling a little stifled or trapped. I needed to do something that gave me the illusion of control. Cutting my hair was that kind of release. It represented a completely independent process. Now, I'm back to wanting a tattoo. It has not become an obsession but I have been thinking about it more than usual. I have picked the spot where I want the tattoo and I have been thinking about the image I want permanently imprinted on my body. I'm a little old to rebel and a little too young for a mid life crisis, so, I'm not sure what to call this phase. Oddly enough, I feel just as I did when I shaved my head. I feel the need to have one aspect of my life completely within my control. One decision based simply on me. I could go for a run or eat a pint of ice cream or some such mundane thing but will I remember that thing for the rest of my life? I think not.